sassypiehole
  • ABOUT
    • LINKS
    • HIRE ME
    • WRITING SAMPLES
  • THE VAULT
  • TESTIMONIALS
  • NEWS, REVIEWS & PROMOS
    • RIDICULOUSNESS >
      • PREVIOUS STORIES
    • KILLAH SWAG >
      • HIGHLIGHTED PRODUCTS
    • SWAG SHOP
  • MEMES, GIFS & MORE
    • MEMES
    • QUOTES
    • GIFS >
      • PARENTING GIFS
      • PARTY | CAFFEINE GIFS
      • RELATIONSHIP GIFS
      • DIETING GIFS
      • RANDOM GIFS
      • EW, PEOPLE GIFS
    • MORE >
      • BOOKS
      • EVENTS
      • LIVE SHOWS
Picture
Search by title or visit DEAR SASSYPIEHOLE ARCHIVES to view full list of articles.
Picture
Below are real letters from people just like you who are struggling to make sense of the world and failing miserably. Well, not exactly, but at least they have their health thanks to my brutal honesty and wicked sense of humor, which goes to prove that laughter really IS the best medicine.

If you have a legit problem — relationships, parenting, divorce, dating, social media drama, or finding inner peace — and would like my help, feel free to submit your anonymous request to DEAR SASSYPIEHOLE. I'll do my best to steer you in the right direction, but you might want to hold off before canceling any appointments you have with your therapist. ​
Picture
Picture
Picture

Child Birth Is Serious Sh*t

10/28/2020

 
Picture
Dear Expecting The Worst,

I'm not laughing at you; I'm laughing with you —you're just not seeing the humor. Think of it this way: By the time your baby is born, all of the 'shit' you are worried about now will be nothing more than a faded memory that you can later revise. Not only that, but you'll get to use the agony of childbirth on your child (and the hubs) for years to come; imagine the joy THAT will bring!

I will tell you that not everyone shits on the table, but oh my God, I am cry-laughing right now at the thought of it. But worrying about it won't do you a damn bit of good; you're better off not thinking about it at all. If you're lucky, your husband will do everything in his power to avoid staring at the abnormalities below and focus on the real task at hand. You are having a baby, dammit, and there is not much that can top that journey.

As for the epidural, I had the same worry, which I may or may not have addressed in my first anthology (I did. I'm lying. You should get a copy). Confident that the pain was going to kill me, I convinced the ER doctor to persuade my OBGYN into admitting me early, when I was only ½ centimeter dilated. Thankfully, she did, and the epidural worked like a champ. I never felt a thing, but honestly, it wouldn't have mattered if I had (Again: LIES!).

The truth is that I have loads of friends — you probably do as well — that have given birth without the perks of sedation, and all of them survived. It's okay to feel afraid about giving birth; we all go through it, but stress can be dangerous. Try not to overthink things, and allow yourself to experience the joys of motherhood while you still can. I'm kidding. Motherhood IS a joy. Congratulations, and welcome to the club! Below a little taste of what you can expect afterward.

Comments are closed.
SUBSCRIBE! NO SPAM, EVER. PROMISE.
Picture
Picture
Picture
Copyright© 2011-2022 All Rights Reserved |  Affiliate Link Policy
  • ABOUT
    • LINKS
    • HIRE ME
    • WRITING SAMPLES
  • THE VAULT
  • TESTIMONIALS
  • NEWS, REVIEWS & PROMOS
    • RIDICULOUSNESS >
      • PREVIOUS STORIES
    • KILLAH SWAG >
      • HIGHLIGHTED PRODUCTS
    • SWAG SHOP
  • MEMES, GIFS & MORE
    • MEMES
    • QUOTES
    • GIFS >
      • PARENTING GIFS
      • PARTY | CAFFEINE GIFS
      • RELATIONSHIP GIFS
      • DIETING GIFS
      • RANDOM GIFS
      • EW, PEOPLE GIFS
    • MORE >
      • BOOKS
      • EVENTS
      • LIVE SHOWS