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Below are real letters from people just like you who are struggling to make sense of the world and failing miserably. Well, not exactly, but at least they have their health thanks to my brutal honesty and wicked sense of humor, which goes to prove that laughter really IS the best medicine.

If you have a legit problem — relationships, parenting, divorce, dating, social media drama, or finding inner peace — and would like my help, feel free to submit your anonymous request to DEAR SASSYPIEHOLE. I'll do my best to steer you in the right direction, but you might want to hold off before canceling any appointments you have with your therapist. ​
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Lone Golden Girl Needs a Job

8/26/2020

 
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Dear Lone Golden Girl,

With all due respect, what the hell you are you crying about? You're still above ground, which is something to be proud of, especially when you weigh the odds of being wiped out by a global pandemic. But I hear you—LOUD AND CLEAR—because I'm not far behind.

Getting old is a bitch meaner than that evil sorceress who stole those Ray-Bans out of my hand at the Neiman Marcus Half-Yearly sale last winter. Everything shrivels and thins out, except for your ass, which expands and flattens, thanks to menopause attacking your metabolism. Still, you shouldn't let that derail you from living your best life.

​
Here's what I do know: 26 million jobs were lost—in five weeks—this spring, according to NPR. We are now in August, some of us still wearing masks, and that virus doesn't appear to be weakening. What does this mean? Well, I'm no expert, but I'd say we are pretty much all screwed, particularly those of us near the top of the hill. To put it another way, you are not alone, even though it might feel that way.

Working as a freelance writer is a risky business because you never know IF or when you'll get paid. The 
good news is that it's all on paper. Except for my family and a few horrified friends and neighbors, no one ever has to see my aging face, but it wasn't always that way. After leaving corporate America in 1997 to pursue a career doing nothing, I ended up starting a business that ultimately led me here.

Leaving the comfort of a steady income and all the bells and whistles of a 
Fortune 500 company is terrifying, but it was the best decision I could have ever made for myself, and I say this without knowing if I'll get a check this month. My point is that you can do anything you set your mind to, no matter how old you are. The only requirement is that you try. If you're hitting walls trying to get a foot in the door, it probably isn't due to age. The world is in crises and our economy is tanking. Now is not the time to look in the mirror and reflect on what you THINK you see. It is time to wash your negativity away, get creative, and start fresh.

Shake it off, sister. You are a survivor of an apocalyptic rebirth, not some old bag who can't get a job. Take a fine-tooth comb to that resume and make shit happen. Stop telling yourself you're not young enough, and show those employers you are made of blue steel. And if they don't listen, find someone who will or do it yourself; that's what I did, and I've never looked back. Happy hunting. You've got this! ​
Got a problem? Yo, I'll solve it. SUBMIT YOUR ANONYMOUS QUESTION HERE.

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