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Below are real letters from people just like you who are struggling to make sense of the world and failing miserably. Well, not exactly, but at least they have their health thanks to my brutal honesty and wicked sense of humor, which goes to prove that laughter really IS the best medicine.

If you have a legit problem — relationships, parenting, divorce, dating, social media drama, or finding inner peace — and would like my help, feel free to submit your anonymous request to DEAR SASSYPIEHOLE. I'll do my best to steer you in the right direction, but you might want to hold off before canceling any appointments you have with your therapist. ​
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There's More Than One Way To Skin A Leaf Blower

9/9/2020

 
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Dear Blown Away by Ignorance,

​All I can say is that this guy doesn't sound like he needs a tool; it sounds like he IS one, and I'm pretty sure every neighborhood has one just like him. I know mine does.

It has been my experience that people who do not respect boundaries don't give a rat's ass what anyone else wants or thinks, so why not kill him with a little kindness. Have you tried sending a leaf version of a glitter bomb, along with a sweet note asking him to cut the shit? 
Too much? Maybe this can be your last resort, but let's keep it on the table for now because I sort of love the idea. Another thing you could do to show your appreciation would be to print up a few yard signs. You know, something along the lines of "Hey asshole, stop blowing leaves in everyone's yard!" with a passive-aggressive smiley face, denoting your displeasure.

Or, if you have surveillance footage lying around, you could toss in a few fun edits — perhaps a cameo appearance of David Hasselhoff or some theme music to coincide with his actions — and play the video at your next neighborhood screen-on-the-green. If all else fails and you're willing to get your hands dirty, you can try sucking it up, literally, and returning the favor by bagging up those misplaced leaves and tossing them back into your neighbor's yard. But be careful; you wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of a ring doorbell. Save those five minutes of fame for someone who deserves it. Got a problem? Yo, I'll solve it. SUBMIT YOUR ANONYMOUS QUESTION HERE.

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