The universe has been in a bad mood — screaming and ignoring each other — for so long that it's starting to feel like Thanksgiving at my father's (former) house. What if I told you there was a way to turn those frowns upside down without leaving the comfort of home?
Nothing puts a smile on a person's face faster than a delivery from Amazon, so why not send a little sumpin' sumptin' to the person in your life who needs one. That said, I've put together a shortlist of hilarious and affordable gifts under $25 that will brighten anyone's day in an instant —unless, of course, they have no sense of humor, in which case, you should probably include a letter of apology with your order.
1. First up, the "Thanks for putting up with my --" toilet paper roll: a passive-aggressive "sorry not sorry" for the easily offended. Remember, you're paying for the punchline here, and sometimes that costs a bit more, so try not to roll your eyes too hard at checkout.
2. Got an angry chef on your hands? How about updating their wardrobe with a brand new "I'll Feed All You Fuckers" apron? If all goes well, your efforts could lead to an exciting dinner where neither of you mentions a word about politics.
3. Even creatives have tension to burn these days, and what better way than by rage-coloring with "The People of Walmart.com Adult Coloring Book: Rolling Back Dignity." It's a relatable way to say, "things could always be worse."
4. OCD —yeah, you know me. I cannot think of a more suitable gift for someone that shares my affinity for nice things than a set of "Don't Fuck Up The Table Bamboo Unique Drink Coasters."
5. Having trouble connecting with the new neighbor? Try pulling up a barstool and playing a round of DRUNK STONED OR STUPID. If that fails, maybe try Zillow.
6. It looks like someone stole my idea from 1987 and called it "Dear ASSHOLE: 101 Tear-Out Letters to the Morons Who Muck Up Your Life."
7. The "Mer-Maid Row Row Row Your Boat The F-u-c-k Away from Me Ceramic Accent Mug" is the ONLY one that your friends, coworkers, and family will ever need.
8. You might want to save the 3D Dad Beer Belly Waist Pocket for someone who could use a few extra pounds. If only these would have been around in the 80s.
9. Why let friends scream alone when The Screaming Goat (Book & Figure) can keep them company and lighten the mood?
10. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em by showing your support with Ew, People spirit wear. Hell, I've even dedicated entire PAGE to that trend, so maybe grab a couple, and don't forget to visit KILLAH SWAG ARCHIVES for more great ideas!