Social media is full of surprises these days. It's enough to make you want to pack a bag and move to a remote village off the coast of None Of Your F—ing Business.
But not everyone has the wherewithal to live off the seat of their pants in hopes of finding better luck elsewhere. For those of us stuck in the moment, struggling to bite our tongues to avoid going to prison, finding humor in the ordinary is the only viable option. Below are a few reminders that we're never truly alone, as long as we have Twitter.
1. Voicemail is so ten years ago.
3. Seriously. I have enough friends.
4. The thought of this sends shivers down my spine.
5. If you got this one, it's time to start drinking Ensure.
6. My mom did the same thing 20 years ago, thought some perv was stalking her in the the grocery store, ended up being the ‘most interesting man in the world’ Dos Equis guy.
7. More like pushin' 60 with a full baguette, but okay.
8. Farewell, lame talker.
9. I heard there would be an open bar.
10. What kind of mad man doesn't own smartphone?
11. Pass the earplugs. It's gonna be a long night.
12. If you wait, they will come.
13. Honesty is the foundation of a good relationship.
14. If you close your eyes, you can actually hear this quote.
15. Inquiring minds want to know.
16. Don't make me leave a ring around your eyeball.
17. I've already cracked three teeth trying to keep my face together.
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