As payback for losing a bet during fantasy football, sports broadcaster Cyrus Wittig agreed to spend 24 hours in a Waffle House restaurant. The best part: The only way to reduce his sentence was to stuff his face with waffles.
According to live-feed posts on his Twitter page, Wittig was allowed to shave off one hour for every waffle he ate. The only problem was getting enough of them down to make a difference.
After waiting an hour to "settle in and work up an appetite," he came up with a strategy and ordered six waffles.
His plan was simple: Wittig was going to eat his waffles dry and only "dip" them for flavor and lubrication. "No butter," he wrote, and a "separate plate for minuscule dipping."
Unfortunately, his mission was a failure. "Oh my god I'm going to die," he tweeted, adding that he ordered a side of sausage to get the taste of waffles out of his mouth. He then continued to share periodic, and hilarious, updates regarding his mental and physical health throughout the day.
"I feel like I should be sponsoring this for charity or something," he joked. "I can't believe I thought I was going to finish by the time the Eagles game started. I have been extremely humbled."
While he didn't get the early parole he had hoped for, Wittig made the best of his punishment by keeping his followers entertained for hours. "The blueberry was a solid choice," he insisted. "Can't chase it with coffee though." And speaking of coffee, this post nearly made me spit out mine.
As painful as it may have been to sit inside of a Waffle House restaurant for that long, Witting kept his promise and stayed the duration, laughing it up on Twitter the entire time. Below are a few highlights, excluding commentary from fans.
At 3:13 pm (CST), a little over five hours after his sentence began, the Arkansas sportscaster — turned comedian — announced a shift change. "The new staff has been informed of the challenge. We're all in this together."
Before signing off, he warned fans that his stomach was still expanding, and that he didn't anticipate sleeping for a while. "I think I'll do what any sane human would, and watch all the fight scenes from Lord of The Rings Two Towers," he wrote, ending his suffering with advice to those facing a similar challenge.
"I'd say bring your phone and computer for entertainment and to have fun documenting it," he said. "Go in with a good attitude and tell the wait staff about it. Other than that, I just sat down and did it with almost no planning, so I can't really speak to other parts of the gameplan."
If you have some time on your hands and need a good laugh, check out some of the commentaries from his followers on Twitter.