He Wants to Rename Boneless Chicken Wings

by Lisa René LeClair

When 27-year-old Ander Christensen petitioned the City of Lincoln, NE, proposing they rename 'boneless chicken wings' to something more suitable, the crowd snickered.

"Nothing about boneless chicken wings actually come from a wing of a chicken," demanded Christensen, sporting what appears to be some sort of "burger" tie. "We would be disgusted if a butcher is mislabeling their cuts of meats, but then we go around pretending the breast of the chicken is its wing?"

He then argues his second point, stating that "boneless chicken wings are just chicken tenders, which are already boneless," adding that he doesn't go around ordering boneless tacos, club sandwiches, or boneless auto repair. His third and final argument targeted those who truly can make a difference in the chicken world: parents.

"We need to raise our children better," he began. "Our children are raised being afraid of having bones attached to their meat. That's where meat comes from; it grows on bones. We need to teach them that the wing of a chicken is from a chicken...and it's delicious." Then, without missing a beat, Christensen tossed out a few of his alternatives.

"We can call them 'Buffalo-style chicken tenders.' We can call them 'wet tenders.' We can call them 'saucy nugs' or 'trash,’” he concluded, ending his emphatic speech with a fowl pun. "We understand that we've been living a lie for far too long, and we know it because we feel it in our bones."

​It's probably a good thing his father was the board or he probably would have been laughed right out of the room, but good for him for standing up for the weaker link in the food chain. I vote saucy nugs.