Welcome to 2021. Nothing has changed. If anything, it's only going to get worse, which is why biting your tongue when you feel like screaming is essential. But there light at the end of the tunnel, and if you look hard enough, you'll find it like I did last night.
After careful consideration, I've decided to cut back on writing for this page to free up some time so I could finish working on a screenplay. Movies have always been my escape in times when life defeats me. I cannot tell you how often I have punched a ticket and sat alone in a theater — laughing or ugly crying over someone else's problems — to forget about mine. It's time for me to spread my wings and give back a smidge of what I've received over the past 50+ years from Hollywood. With any luck, my words will one day end up on the big screen, but not if I don't give it my all and finish writing that script.
Saturday is January 9, 2021. Two years ago, on that day, my best friend of thirty-odd years took her last breath. Eleven days and a thousand tissues later, following a remix of Hallelujah and a tribute from her twin sister, I stood in front of two hundred broken hearts and shared my version of our multilayered affair. It dawned on me this morning that she's watching over me now and probably rolling her eyes from the great beyond. For years, sitting in her kitchen where she took her final step or in her salon chair, where she used scissors and dye to make me feel better about myself, I shared my hopes and dreams. I told her about my screenplay long before my pen hit the pad. "You should do it," she said. "I'm sure it'll be great."
One of the things I suffer from is Imposter Syndrome. If you've never heard of it, it's a psychological disorder where a person doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a "fraud." It's an awful feeling, but not uncommon for someone who suffered psychological and physical abuse as a child or adult as I have. And so, I do my best to "stay positive" and strive to overcome self-doubt.
New year, new me, at least that is my hope. Over the past few months, my village has doubled in size. Many have messaged privately to thank me for sharing my stories and being honest about my life on social media, mostly because it helped them to know they weren't alone. Those messages serve as a constant reminder that one person can make a difference, so why not try to reach more.
Go big or go home —am I right?
Months ago, a friend warned that growing my follower count to monetize on social media would be next to impossible. She was wrong, or maybe she just said that because she didn't believe that I could. While I am by no means reeling in fat cash, my "dolla sign" is growing, as is my fan base. Who knew I had it in me. If 2020 taught us anything, it's that life is short and anything is possible. If there is something YOU want, GET IT! —because no one will give it to you. Let this be the year of no fear: climb that mountain, leave that toxic relationship, start that new business. The sky is the limit, but if you want to grab that star, you're going to have to reach for it.
Cheers, my friends. I'll be in and out of your inbox moving forward, but there will always be new stuff on my page to keep you entertained. If you get bored or need a laugh, pop on over and see what's going on at Sassypiehole. In the meantime, below is a live performance I did the last time I stepped out of my comfort zone. If I can do it, anyone can —including you.